I haven't had any major shopping excursions to report as of late but one of my faithful readers (ok, the only one) told me that she has a hard time shopping for special occasions for the people in her life. I thought it would be a good opportunity to share some things I think about as I shop for a friend or loved one whether there is a special occasion or "just because".
First, I need to give you a little history on how I developed my own gift giving skills.
I remember when I was 10 , my mom asked my babysitter to take me to Wal-Mart to shop for a gift for an overnight birthday party which I was attending that very weekend. She gave us $20 and never clarified that she wanted any change back should the price of the gift not come to the full 20 bucks. I took time perusing the toy section and promptly found a Care Bear soap making kit that I decided that I just couldn't live without. The kit included egg-shaped molds with the likeness of a few of the most popular Care Bears as well as several sticks of unmolded soap in various colors that would eventually be melted down with warm water and would become fancy, guest hand soaps (in my mind). The kit came to about $12 so I knew I needed to stay right around $5 for my friend's birthday gift to ensure we had enough left for a soft pretzel and coke at the snack bar. I was always good at math and did find out later that I had not really become familiar with the concept of sales tax and assumed I knew we would be well within the range to make my plan reality. Let's just say I was a little off and the crisis was averted when my babysitter had to pony up the extra few dollars.
After an hour of searching the toy section for a gift that wouldn't completely scream cheap-gift but still allow me to pursue my new hobby of soap making, I walked by a clearance bin and noticed that there was an Elvis Prestley (cassette) album for $4.99. Since Courtney had mentioned that she did, in fact, like Elvis Prestley at some point in our 5 years of being friends, I thought this was THE perfect gift for my friend. Also, I could comfortably start planning whether I should make my first Care Bear soap with the yellow or pink stick of un-molded soap. I figured I would just have to wait to see where my creativity would take me when I could peel back the cellophane and was able to better explore the entire kit. As I was in a hurry to start my newfound project, we high-tailed it back home after my pretzel and coke (we only had enough $ for mine) to find my mom home from work. When she asked what I got for a gift, I showed her the Elvis tape with full confidence she would be very impressed with my knack for remembering things like what my friend enjoyed in music selection, especially at the ripe age of 10.
"This is a GOSPEL tape!!! How much did you spend for this piece of crap???" I was starting to get the impression that she may not be as pleased as I had hoped with my shopping excursion in its entirety as she was not nearly as excited about the Elvis tape as I was anticipating. This was a shocking turn of events since she was an Elvis fan and had, on numerous occasions, reminiced that Elvis died almost a month after I was born and she remembered exactly where she was at the time. This was always followed with a disection of his life and what a tragedy he had become with the conclusion always being that it had to do with his creepy relationship with his mother. I always thought that he must have had some serious health issues seeing as he died while in the can.
"It was only $4.99! Courtney really likes Elvis, mom!!! She told me so!!!" I thought this was an important point to make as I knew that if I could win her over with my skills as a bargain shopper with her money and she felt a connection with a fellow-Elvis lover, she may see the rationale that had seemed so air-tight to me in Wal-Mart.
"What did you do with the rest of the money that I gave you?"
"Well, we were hungry after searching for an hour for this perfect gift which I may point out, you are giving no respect to in spite of your love for Elvis...so we stopped to get a pretzel and a coke at the snack bar. Then we came straight home to wrap it."
"What else did you buy.....?" I didn't like where this line of questioning was going. I mean, if you wanted a 10 year old to be responsible with money, you don't send them to a store with a less than reliable authority figure with $20! Even I knew this as I was still months away from the apartment that I was sure to be moving into because I kept dipping into my savings as I had recently discovered my love of pixie sticks.
"I found a really great Care Bear soap making kit and I just thought you and dad would really appreciate it if I would start helping out by making soap for us. Especially since you both work really hard and need a little help around here. I was just thinking of you....and look! We can make pink for the front bathroom and a yellow one for your bathroom! Also, I thought they would be great gifts for grandma or grandpa!" It was a long time ago and a little fuzzy on the finer details, but I am pretty sure I leaned back in my chair, folded my arms and gave her a smug smile as if to say "I can't believe you are questioning my selflessness."
She smiled back and said..."Do not open that box. Courtney is going to be getting a Care Bear soap kit for her birthday."
I am sure a poor attempt at a renegotiation process ensued full of reasons why she should rethink her position but I knew I had lost the battle when my dad came home from work and my mom instructed us to take the Elvis tape back to Wal-Mart. As we were leaving, she reminded me that I needed wrapping paper and a nice card, which is why she gave me $20 in the first place. I gave up at this point when I realized I was fighting a loosing battle since she was perfectly willing to send her beloved Elvis's work back to the clearence bin at Wal-Mart, just to prove her point. I relented and was extremely envious when my friend opened my gift, it blew everyone away with how cool of a gift she received from me and she stopped opening gifts to discuss ideas and solicit recommendations from our friends on what the perfect color scheme she should use for her bathroom.
As traumatizing as not ever fulfilling my dream of becoming a professional soap maker has been on me in my adult years, I learned a few things from this experience as well as other gift giving adventures along the way. Here are 10 things to remember when you are thinking of gifts and want people in your life to feel special:
2. Imagine what you would like for a specific occasion. Is it something they would like too? Or, would they pick that item out for you as well? You may be surprised how much you and your friends and family may enjoy the same things, even if they are opposite sexes or occasions you have never celebrated yourself. Put yourself in their shoes and what they would really like to see beyond the bright pink gift bag or shinny wrapping paper. Plus, it would make them happy to know that you would really like to have that gift yourself, but thought enough to give it to them instead. (Except if it is a Care Bear soap making kit...)
3. Never shop for your friends or loved ones at a sex toy shop. There is never an occasion where that is ok....EVER!
5. Never give lingerie. If you guess the wrong size, that may backfire in a way that you won't be expecting and will endanger an entire planned evening. Believe me, women like to buy their own intamates because comfort is never as exciting as what you have picked as the "perfect gift for HER".
6. Flowers are ok in certain situations, but not as many as you would think. Flowers for berevement have become less common because people would rather have the money donated on their loved one's behalf. Also, it is just not common for a guy to show up with a bouquet and therefore, would seem weird if they did bring flowers in today's liberal dating world. The only living thing you should give is a plant or orchid that can go on living, or in my case, until all the perfect blossoms drop off and you are left with a stick in a pot no matter what kind of care you give.
7. Always give a gift that is proportional to the occasion AND the depth of relationship. I read an article once that a woman thought her boyfriend was going to give her a ring for Christmas only to find a sweater under the tree while he unwrapped and slobbered over his 52' plasma TV. A couple of days later, he moved out as he was planning all along....with the TV! Be 100% positive of the trajectory of a relationship before you go all-in. This can be applied to a lot of aspects of a relationship, but definitely should be dually noted in gift giving to significant others.
8. Alcohol, other than a rare scotch for a scotch enthusiast or a bottle of wine to the host when you are invited to dinner is tacky. You never know what the personal or home situation is and you don't want to make someone feel self conscience, or worse, end up at an AA meeting at the end of the evening.
9. Concert tickets/sporting events tickets are a good choice ONLY if you and your friend/family member have a mutual interest in the artist or team. DO NOT give tickets to someone that does not want to be obligated to spend time with you. Admit it, you know deep down if that person does not have any interest in spending more that 5 minutes with you let alone 9 innings in sweltering heat.
10. Finally, large and expensive gifts. These are only to be reserved for times where you have won the lottery and want your friends and family around you to have nice belongings just as you do. Mostly because it won't be so freaking lonely to be filthy rich. That being said, a gift that is "too much" to anyone outside of the Trump family completely defeats the purpose of the reason for gift giving. Remember, even the smallest effort in trying to reflect someone's unique personality and find what will gives them joy is the only rule of thumb you need.
For those of you still stuck, some places that I would start at with a wide variety of heartfelt gifts for your loved ones would be:
- Red Envelope
- Dick's Sporting Goods
- Pier 1
- Hallmark
Happy hunting for the people that are the most important to you!
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